I Saw Three Ships Come Sailing In on Christmas Day in the Morning

It's Christmas! Merry Christmas to all my family and friends all over the world, wherever you may be. I didn't actually see three ships come sailing in this morning. The only body of water nearby is the Tigris River, and there is a 20 foot concrete wall obstructing by view. There was a little get together for all of the Soldiers here on the base last night. Cookies and candy canes were eaten by all. There was some army-style poetry recited and Christmas songs sung by some Ugandans who guard the perimeter. The night was capped by the singing of "O Come All Ye Faithful" by all present. And I am happy to report that Santa did stop by. I saw him with my own two eyes. And I even looked online, and NORAD confirmed it. Santa made a stop in Iraq. My parents sent me some Almond Roca and homemade Russian tea cakes. That was pretty awesome; it pretty much made my life. I probably ate it all in about a day. Today, there will be an army-style feast. I am excited. Mostly because I didn't eat breakfast. There is a Christian service tonight in the chapel, which I plan on attending. I will not soon forget my Christmas in Iraq. I checked Google maps and I am exactly 555 miles from the little town of Bethlehem. It's crazy to think that the sky that I look at every night is (roughly) the same one that, 2000 years ago, displayed a star that led 3 kings from the east to the place where Jesus lay. I wonder if they were from anywhere around here? Merry Christmas to everybody! God bless you all and I pray that you have wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Living in a Conex

Living in a conex is better than you might imagine. Conex: container express. A military word. A metal box eight feet wide, twenty feet deep, and nine feet high. Somebody built four walls, a floor, and a door out of wood. There are two bunk beds, a shelf with four roomy spaces, and a table. It’s better than you might imagine, I say, because there is also an air conditioning unit. I keep it set at twenty degrees Celcius. I still haven’t converted that to Fahrenheit; I would guess sixty-ish. It’s better than you might imagine, also, because I have electricity and internet access. I can blog from my conex. I can watch movies in my conex. I can electric shave in my conex. It’s better than you might imagine, thirdly, because it’s just me. There’s nobody else breathing down my neck or snoring or listening to stand-up comedy on their iPod and laughing at random times and scaring bojangles out of me. This brings me to my fourth and final point. It’s better than you might imagine because I’m not packed in here with twenty or fifty other people. I’ve heard stories about people trying to sneak into America by way of conex. They’re sometimes packed into these conex storage units for months at a time. Some people die. Some people get arrested. Me? I stream Youtube videos in delightfully frigid solitude. Living in a conex is better than you might imagine.

Adrift

Hey all,

Here's a little update. I can't go much into specifics, but let me give you a rundown of my past 6 days. I have been to 5 different Military bases and am about to go to a 6th, and I have been to 4 different countries. I am carrying 4 different computers in my computer bag, which is only meant to hold 2. I have had 2 sleepless nights and slept through the day once. I have had 1 haircut from 1 Iraqi barber. I have flown first class on 1 international charter flight, been stuffed into the back of 1 C-130 and am about to be stuffed into the back of 1 Chinook. Between Iraq and Kuwait, I have seen 1 McDonalds, 1 Burger King, 1 Pizza Hut, 2 Subways, 1 Taco Bell, and 1 Starbucks, and I have eaten at exactly 0 of them. I tried to plug 1 1250v printer into one 100v converter and I fried exactly 1 100v converter. Good times. Stay posted. I may even put up some very non-descript pictures. Later!

Checks Off My List

So I didn't get around to everything...and I got around to some things in roundabout ways. And there were some other things that I never thought I would do. Here's the rundown:
I didn't get around to -

- Getting to the Statue of Liberty - It's booked until Christmas.. but I was it from afar
- Eat in Chinatown or Little Italy - yes, unfortunate, but I did eat lots of NY style pizza
- See Springsteen in concert - but I did see some bands that I have never heard of - amazing baby? they were aight.
- Get in the background of Good Morning America - it's ok, diane sawyer is a ho.
- Grand central station - I hear I didn't miss much.

Things I got around to -

- The top of the Empire State Building - the 86th floor and then the 102nd. Both were grand.
- Ground zero - it's hard to believe there were two gigantic buildings there.
- Central park - It is very big. And there are alot of people. I people watched.
- Broadway musical - I hesitate to say...I saw Mary Poppins. At the New Amsterdam. I got the same.
- I saw the Rangers play the Senators. Bought tickets from some sketchy dude outside Madison square garden. The whole ordeal was sketch. But I saw matt gilroy play, which was pretty awesome. He's been stealing my google hits for the past five years. Funny, he's a ranger and I'm not. Sad, actually.
- Went to the Seinfeld restaurant - had my dish of choice - the bacon cheeseburger with a side of fries. Got a picture of the kramer.

Things I did that I didn't expect to do -

- On a whim, I saw watched a french movie called hadewijch at the new york film festival. About religion and war - two topics that interest me. One topic that doesn't interest me - reading...subtitles.
- Ate at a Pakistani restaurant at 1 am. I thought for sure I was going to get stabbed. I recommend the duck.
- Watched a parade while standing in front of Macy's. Unfortunately, it was just the Korean Day Parade. Ha, they didn't even stop traffic for it.
- Kicked a chihuahua in the face on a crouded street. And just kept walking.
- Went to a Bono concert...also on a whim. At Carnegie Hall. Bought another scalped ticked. Got there a half hour into the show and I didn't want to disturb anybody, so I basically just wandered around the carnegie hallways for a good half hour. I wanted to get back stage, but the ushers kept telling me to go sit down. It was an aids benefit. Everyone was wearing suits and dresses. Was underdressed...in shorts and a tshirt and sunglasses. Lots of good cameos - rufus wainwright and scarlett johansson. Some not so good - Courtney Love and Lady Gaga (a great singer and pianist, but completely insane). Got onto the lowest balcony and and watched from there.
- Ate an excellent steak at columbus circle.
- Slept on the subway for a night. I couldn't remember the address for the place I was staying in Jersey City, and my friend had turned his phone off. So I rode the path subway back and forth from 33rd in nyc to journal square in jersey..until I got kicked off the train by the operator. I thought I was going to get mugged. Then I just wandered around broadway in shorts and a tshirt..and sunglasses..until a starbucks opened. Drank coffee and did a crossword in warmth.

There were surprisingly not as many street musicians as I thought there would be. When I did see them, I didn't have cash, and when I had cash, they seemed to disappear. This was the biggest disappointment of my trip. But all in all, it was a good trip. Baghdad is next. Then Sydney.

Lists Allow Me to Function

I make lists. I have alot of things to do at work lately, and if I don't make lists, I end up forgetting about things and eventually getting blindsided. Not good. I'm going to New York City this weekend. Here is a list:

- Top of the Empire State Building
- Ground Zero
- Crown of the Statue of Liberty
- Central Park
- Times Square
- Grand Central Station
- Eat in Chinatown
- Eat in Little Italy
- Eat some New York Pizza
- Broadway musical
- New York Rangers game
- Bruce Springsteen concert
- Get in the background of Good Morning America
- Find the Seinfeld restaurant
- Tip a street musician

These are just a few goals. Some are much loftier than others. I am open to suggestions. Peace!

A Look Ahead

My next month-plus will be fast and furious. 2fast2furious, one might say. It will start tomorrow. This next week will be crazy with all kinds of Army pre-deployment requirements. I will be busy. Then, that next Monday, I will fly home. Portland, Oregon. I will get to see the family and friends. A few plans:

Spend time with family and friends.
Go to the beach.
Not get a hair cut.
Not shave.
Go to Powell Books.
Bike the corridor.
Play street music.
Annie's Donuts (much better than voodoo).
Tosis.
Stacatto Geltao.

The only restriction on my trip is that I will fly out of Boise on the 13th. How I get from point a to point b is in the air. I-84, says my best intuition. Hitchhike maybe? Rent-a-car? Bike? Who knows. Here are some plans when I am in Idaho:

Sleep in Andrew's bed.
Climb on the new science building.
See old friends.

Okay, I really don't have many plans. But it should be a blast. Shortly after my return to New York, there will be another flurry of work, and then I'll be off to war. I will visit my sis in Columbus sometime in there. It will be crazy, but I'm excited. Australia on R&R! Peace! Or war! Or something!

Maine and Lobster Rolls

I drove to Maine this last weekend. My options were either drive to Montreal and see Coldplay, Jason Mraz, and Josh Ritter in concert or drive to Maine. I decided that I wouldn't make the decision until I got to Vermont (which is nice this time of year), at which point I would either go north or south on I-89. I chose south. Coldplay will have to wait. I started running low on gas in New Hampshire on Friday night, so I pulled off in New London, a place I didn't know existed. I proceeded to drive to 3 other gas stations, only to find that they were all closed and that they all looked like a scene out of the Mothman Prophecies. Oh, not only did I stop at the gas stations... I ran out of gas at the fourth one that I so happily visited, so I had to sleep in my car and wait until the station opened (luckily at 5:30). I honestly think the mothman may have been trying to forcibly enter my car. Anyhoo, I got gas and quickly ditched New London for Maine.

Portland, Maine. The other Portland. The not quite as agreen Portland. The Portland that I have not grown to love, but that many, MANY seagulls call home. I got to Portland early Saturday morning. I parked my car and went for a little bike ride through downtown Portland (weird?). The streets were almost empty, which was nice, but I quickly realized that I had a slow leak in my front tire. Shame. So after maybe a half-hour long ride, I tossed the bike back into the veh and drove on to bigger and better.

I inadvertently drove headlong into a 10k race, so I was forced to park my car and wait until the race was over. Apparently, that's why the streets were abandoned; everybody in Maine was running in this thing. So I stood by the sea and watched as the runners collapsed across the finish line. Just when I thought it was over, they started the kids race. Painstaking is the word that I would use. Not for the runners, but for me not being able to leave. And I was in loafers, so everybody knew I was a fraud.

I ate some lobster rolls. They are New England delicacies. I saw a PBS special on regional foods and have wanted to try an authentic one ever since. I had another regional sandwich when I was down in Louisiana, BTW. The poboy! I sounded so white when I ordered it. Anyway, the lobster roll was good. It reminded me of a kind of bland, kind of fishy, kind of expensive version of a gyro. But it was good. Both of them. I had 2. And some fries and Coke. Oh yeah, PS, I locked my keys in my car probably at the busiest intersection north of Boston, while blaring a used CD that I bought when I was passing through Saranac Lake, NY, consisting of (kids) songs from around the world. Lots of girls jogging by. Lots of girls in summer dresses shopping at the trendy waterfront shops. Lots of good looks possessed by girls and weird looks directed at me. They no doubt heard my bizarre music and saw me feeding the meter as I waited for the pop-a-lock guy to show. Man, I was glad to get out of there.

All in all, I hit 7 states: New York, Vermont, New Hampshire, Maine, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, and Connecticut. 6 of which I had never been to. All of which had probably one Dunkin Doughnuts for every resident. Not too many Starbucksesiz. Almost hit a pack of old people who didn't look both ways. One thing I have learned throughout my travels: musical tastes tend to differ by region, but everybody listens to public radio. NPR. And everybody watches PBS. Everybody listens to Garrison Keillor. Well, not everybody, but at least a good chunk of people from every place. Everybody state has NPR on FM frequency and it is always one of clearest stations on the dial. End of rant. End of post. Here are some pictures. End of post now.

A Little Louisiana

Hi all. I'm back in New York. I spent a few weeks down south in sweaty Louisiana. Do I have pictures? No. Why? Well, it just so happens that I forgot my phone charger and my phone just so happens to double as my primary camera. Not the first time this has happened. I think Andrew is still bitter because my camera died in Sicily and I couldn't recharge it. We will always have the memories.

Anyways, Louisiana. It was very hot. And humid. Sometimes the air conditioning worked, sometimes it didn't. I spent most of my time briefing powerpoint slides. No joke. I definitely drank more than my share of coffee. Is this telling of my upcoming deployment to Iraq? Only time will tell. If so, keep the coffee flowing like the mighty Tigris.

New York To Louisiana

Hello everybody! Tomorrow, I will fly down Fort Polk, Louisiana for roughly 3 weeks of high-quality, faux-Iraqi training. One thing I know: it will be hot. And humid...it will definitely be humid. Of course, the training would not be realistic without the wear of the 28-pound IBA vest and the mich helmet. Needless to say, I will sweat. "Hydrate or die!" as they say.

This is my first trip to the Joint Readiness Training Center (JRTC) and my first trip to Louisiana. Sadly, there will be no Bourbon Street parousing or Louisiana Delta swamp boat touring. It will be all business. I will get back to Ft. Drum roughly at the end of July. The battalion will work for a few more weeks, and then at the end of August, there will be a 17-day period of block leave. Which reminds me - I still need to get a plane ticket...where to, I'm still not sure. Then I will work most of September and part of October, then it's off to Iraq.

I'll try to put up some pictures of the non-classified happenings. I'll try not to pull a Geraldo. Later!

Home of Helen Keller?

Alright, on my little bike ride this weekend, I discovered the whereabouts of Helen Keller's place of residence. I also found a hat that washed up on the shore. That's the only reason I'm wearing the goofy thing. It's my official bike hat now. Anyways, watch the video.

Groupsing

An African Round with Pete

An Olde Gaelic Tune with Pete and Friends

The Leaving of Liverpool with some British dude

Marco Polo with the Brit again

I've Been a Havin' Some Hard Travelin'

So this weekend I went to the Clearwater Festival. It's a festival where famous folk singers, bluegrass bands and story-tellers from all over the world come together for the cause of cleaning up the Hudson River, which is still pretty dirty by the way. It was still beautiful scenery, but not quite as beautiful as the Columbia River Gorge, probably the most beautiful place on earth, but close. The place looked and smelled like Saturday Market and the crowd didn't look much different. I would say probably 80% of the crowd was over 30 years old. And everyone was wearing bright colors and tie-dye. It was a 2 day event, so I camped out in my tent, which leaked, and soaked my sleeping bag. Oh yeah, p.s., it rained the entire time.

There were 6 different stages with 6 different performances going on simultaneously. There was the main stage where the Old Crow Medicine Band, Susan Tedeschi, and others played. There was a dance tent with all kinds of different styles of dancing going on, a story-telling stage, a children's music tent, the slightly-less main stage where smaller time singers played, and there was the circle of song tent. I ended up spending most of my time at the circle of song tent. Basically, at this tent, people bring their instruments and their voices and play whatever style of music was being played, i.e., Irish songs, sea songs, gospel, rounds, etc.

It was a pretty awesome thing. To make it more awesome, Pete Seeger just showed up a few times. And he was like a ghost. I never saw him come or go. He would just suddenly be there, singing and playing his banjo. Kind of creepy. Especially since he's like 90 and can't move that fast. So I got to sing in the Pete Seeger Collective, you might say. He was so close, I could have punched him...not that I wanted to, but if I had wanted to, I could have.

I have attached some videos from the circle of song with Pete Seeger and a few with some British/Scottish guy. Warning: the video quality is not that great, because I recorded them on my phone and because there was a significant amount of toe-tapping going on on my part, making the picture a little shaky. I'll be honest, in most of them you can't even make out the words, but that's ok, because one is in an African language and another is in Gaelic. Enjoy!...Alright, Blogger messed up the videos, so I'll try to fix them.

My Birthday Bike Ride

This Saturday was my birthday. So I went for a bike ride. I started around 10 or 10:30 in the AM. I didn't check. And I wasn't wearing a watch. There are no bike paths around here like in Portland, but there are quite a few untraversed, back-country roads. So I took these. There are a surprising number of hills for a landscape so close to water. It was tiring, but I never stopped on account of the hills... only a few times to pee and once for an Amish father and daughter peddling homemade goods. I didn't buy anything because I would have had to carry it. All I had was my Camelbak. It has one pocket and that thing was maxed out. I had a wallet, a phone, a Moleskine, a passport and a pen in there. It could not hold anything else.

Oh yeah, the passport. I was biking to Canada. Kingston, to be exact. I have driven to Kingston before, but I've only taken the long way around. Apparently, there are two ferries and an island in between that make for a much quicker trip across the St. Lawrence River, by car or by bike. I Google Maps'd the route and it was the shortest distance. I rolled into Cape Vincent just in time to board the ferry. It was just over 25 miles from Sackets to Cape Vincent. The ride was about 10 minutes and cost $2. I thought it would be cheaper, since I was just on a bike. No dice.

Wolfe Island is officially Canadian territory. It is one of the Thousand Islands, after which the salad dressing is named. I had to show the border patrol my passport. They didn't check my Camelbak. I could have had anything in there! The ride across the island was very scenic and it was mostly covered by farmland. The island was also covered with gigantic wind turbines. I had to watch out for potholes during this ride. It was roughly 7 miles across the island to Marysville. I took a picture on my phone of a cool church in that town. There, I bought a Powerade and a warm cinnamon roll from a bakery.

I ate my roll on the ferry ride to Kingston. It was good. This ferry was free and absolutely packed. There were probably 50 or more cars and over a hundred people on board. I took some pictures the trip across. When I got to Kingston, I biked and walked around a little. There is a really cool shopping district kind of like Hawthorne in Portland but probably twice the size and more commercial. I would have taken pictures, but I was still wearing my bike shoes, which are cleated, making me sound like an out-of-work tap dancer, roaming the streets of Kingston. I was already attracting enough attention to myself. So I ate at McDonalds and called it a day. The ride back seemed much longer. I realized that I only had one dollar for the ferry ride back, but the guy let me on anyways. I met a nice family on the ferry back to the states. I chatted it up with them until I got back to the Cape. They offered me a ride home, but I declined. But I did accept the candy that they offered me. I got back to Sackets at about 8 in the PM. And that was that. Word. Here are the pics that I promised:

Live Long and Prosper, Star Trek!

I thought it was going to suck. I really did. I thought it was going to be like the Star Wars prequels, or Transformers, or even the Dark Night, which were movies that everybody seemed to love. I thought they were steaming piles of special-effects-coated crap.

But no. Star Trek did not suck. It was the best movie that I have seen in a long...long time. The action commenced from the very first minute of the movie and lasted the entire duration. I thought J.J. was very true to the personalities from the original Star Trek series. Well, mostly. Ok, my biggest problem with the movie. Uhura and Spock. There was never a hint of romance between the two in any of the original episodes. A very minor issue. The romance didn't take a central role in the movie; it was more funny than anything. Also, I think J.J. cheated. He decided to base the movie around the theme of time travel. This works well with the plot of the movie and sets him up to make more movies in the future. However, he used time travel to change events that were staples of the original series. This makes it so that he can essentially rewrite the plot of Star Trek, completely disregarding the events from previous episodes and movies. This may anger the hardcore Trekkies. Not that I am one, I'm just saying.

There were alot of upsides to the movie too. Many more than the downsides. Number one: Leonard Nemoy. He was in the movie. Playing an old Spock. I'm pretty sure he hasn't had work since he voiced the techs on Civ 4. Basically what I'm saying is that I am a fan of all Leonard Nemoy's work. I remember one day when I was homeschooled, I was done with my work, so I flipped on the TV to watch an episode Perry Mason. Bam, there was a young, pre-Star-Trek Leonard Nemoy playing the murderer. Oops, I ruined the episode for you. My bad. Tangent. Anyways, so the best line of the movie. When young Kirk meets old Spock. Spock addresses Kirk by his name and Kirk asks Spock how he knows his name, obviously because the young Kirk doesn't recognize the old Spock. Then Spock replies, "I have been, and always will be, your friend." These were Spock's last words along with "Live long and prosper" before he collapses and dies in Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan. I recognized it instantly. Brought a tear to my eye. And I really just liked all of the actors chosen for the lead roles. I will say that the movie was cast very well.

I'll leave it at that. There were some hardcore Trekkies in there. I could tell. There were 4 fat bald guys sitting in front of me. Seriously, every one of them fit that description. All in a row. And they would laugh at some of the most obscure references. I think fat and bald are 2 characteristics which I am destined to possess. Well, that's it for now. Go see Star Trek. It is worth your time. Nerd out.

Back From The Dead

I got back to New York late last night. 2 hours later than expected, actually. Ranger School really wasn't at all like I thought it would be, but then again, I guess nothing ever is. Tornadoes and golf-ball sized hail tore through Ft. Benning and the rest of Georgia the week before I left. Smashed car windshields and overturned outhouses were not an uncommon sight. But that's all behind me now. Much farther south.

I lost about 20 pounds, but have gained it all back. I feel like I have been eating constantly. My food regulator is broken or buried beneath weeks of 2-meal-days, and MREs to boot. I am polishing off a package of Keebler EL Fudge cookies and a venti caramel macciato-however-you-spell-that from Starbucks. I learned how to count calories...the opposite of how most people do. Most dieters are so concerned with calorie intake that they go to the extreme of measuring foods into exact serving sizes or buying Nabisco 100 calorie packs. I was eating about 2500 calories a day and burning about 3500, thus losing weight. I learned how to be a shrewd MRE dealer. Skittles have 250 calories and vanilla dairyshakes have 460. You've got to find that guy that absolutely loves Skittles, make the swap, and bam, that's 200 more calories than you had before. Now you have all kinds of energy, while Skittle guy is struggling to kick it up the hill.

Much of my last month was spent in the mountains of Northern Georgia. The Appalachian Trail cuts right through the mountains of Northern Georgia. I say mountains, but really they are more like hills. We would go up and down 3 or 4 of them in one day. The funny part is, we shared the Appalachian Trial with civilian hikers. They would be relaxing around their warm camp fire around 9pm, settling in for a nice, long 5-plus hours of sleep. My Ranger buddies and I, on the other hand, are cold, dirty, stinky, and still have an ambush to set up at the top of the next hill. So in other words, no sleep until 3am, with a 430 wake-up. but I laugh to myself, because I'm pretty sure these Marmot/Merrill-wearing hikers only have granola and rice to look forward to. And I have a dairyshake. And Skittle guy has Skittles, if he hasn't eaten them yet.

My fingers are still numb. It's colder than you might think in the hills of Northern Georgia. But that isn't the reason my extremities have lost feeling. The real reason is that wasn't drinking the 8 daily quarts of water required to maintain regular circulation while sweating profusely. Also, my 80-pound ruck sack partially cut off circulation to my arms and fingers. It was really only 80 pounds if I had to carry the m240b ammunition or tripod. Both add a significant amount weight to what would otherwise be a much more sustainable burden. Water is the other weight-adder. I would always try to ditch weight any way that I could. This usually meant dumping water or just not filling canteens. It is much more difficult to ditch rounds and impossible to get rid of that frickin tripod. The only way to shed rounds is, when afforded the opportunity, to completely unload the 240 ammo, in hopes of depleting the supply. This also proved to be a pleasant little bonus, because on those cold and rainy nights, when the 240 is unloading 1000 rounds within a period of a few minutes, it tends to heat about a 10 foot radius. So at least for a few minutes, I would bask in the heat of the 240 and in the glow of its barrel, which usually means it's time for barrel change.

Anyway, I think I'm going to get a kayak. I found a decent on today for $500. It's either that or a bike. I'm still deciding. It's 60 degrees and blue skies here, so I need to seize the carp. That's it for now. By the way, go Blazers. Other than that, that's all I have. Peace for now!

Update

I'm not dead yet. I'm 1/3 of the way through. On to Mountain Phase!

Blog Capsule

Alright, here's the deal. I will be gone for the next 2 months. Don't fret, I'll be back on May 1st. However, due to my lack of internet access and really any type of media access, I will not be able to update my blog, check my blog, or even get basic news. Due to this fact, I am creating a blog capsule. Basically, the concept is that I will write down all sorts of current information. When I get back in 2 months, I will read this blog capsule and laugh at how foolish I, and everybody else was back 2 months ago. I will also make some key predictions, which I fully anticipate will come true in the near future (the next 2 months). Here are some current facts, true as of February 24th, 2009:

• President Obama’s approval rating is 59%.
• There are talks of temporarily “nationalizing” the US banking system.
• The cheapest gas in Watertown/Fort Drum is $2.05 at the on-post gas station.
• The price of GM stock is $2.22 per share.
• The price of Bank of America stock is $4.73 per share.
• The DOW stands at 7,350.94.
• The Blazers are currently holding the 5th spot in the west, at 35-21.
• Greg Oden is out 2 more games and Martell Webster is out for the season.
• All other Blazers are healthy.
• The top TV show in America is American Idol with 24.825 million weekly viewers.
• New England bats are dying by the thousands due to a mysterious white fungus.
• There is snow on the ground outside, 3 or 4 feet in some places.
• The current temperature in Sackets Harbor is 18 degrees.
• The cheapest netbook at BestBuy costs $240.
• I am healthy and have no broken bones or sprains.
• My current weight is 184 lbs.
• I don’t have a Ranger Tab.

Here are some key predictions that will be true upon my return on or after May 1st:

• Bats will be extinct.
• GM stock will soar with news of their mass production of flying cars.
• Gasoline prices will hit record lows with the discovery human fat can be refined to make a high-grade octane.
• Exxon-Mobile will begin paying people to have liposuction, thus eliminating obesity, and putting Jared from Subway out of work.
• Kelly Ripa will just get hotter.
• American audiences will be stunned when Simon Cowell declares himself the next American Idol.
• "Lent" will finally be renamed "Lint", thus clearing up a lot of confusion.
• The Blazers will win the rest of their games, but will still finish second behind the Lakers, despite their losing every player except Luke Walton.
• Freedom of Speech will be declared unconstitutional, as the commies move into power.
• Sprint will reach deep into the jungles of Africa to recruit chimpanzees for their customer service hotline, which reportedly can do twice the work as humans, due to their ability to use their feet hands.
• The hockey season will be cancelled due to global warming.
• I will have 3 broken toes and 1 broken spirit.
• I will weigh in at 153 lbs.
• I will have a Ranger Tab.

Upon my return, I will crack open this blog capsule and see how much of it has come true (probably not much) and how much is complete garbage (likely the majority). I hope everybody has a great March and April. Peace!

It's a Sailboat

I painted a sailboat. One of these days I'll get around to my ultimate goal of sailing from New York to the Mediterranean, but for now I'll have to settle for painting them.

Freight Train

My mom used to play this song when I was a kid. I still remember that riff vividly after all these years. Some day, I'll hop a freight train and just ride. Word.

My Little Week

Hello all!

I had a 4 day week! I didn't work last Monday AND I have a 4 day weekend next weekend! Life is good. I have been at this blog thing for over a year now! Exciting. I'm gearing up to go to Ranger School. I won't have a phone or computer for 2 months. I hope you all forgive me. I've started swimming in the mornings! I'll go into work an hour early to swim and then do my normal run/pushup/situp bit. I'm still a weak swimmer though. I use the flippers most of the time. But it's okay! Nobody else is at the pool at 6 in the morning. Anyhoo, here are a few more paintings; "Fanfare", my "Colorful Tree Collection", "A Tree", and "Not Quite There":

Hang In There Jack!

Is there anybody else out there that is as concerned as I am about the well being of Jack Box? On Super Bowl Sunday, Jack got hit by a bus. Very unfortunate. It's been all over the news... mostly during the commercial breaks, actually. I have spent two restless nights tossing and turning to the idea of a world without Jack's curly fries greasy tacos. I'm sure I am not alone in hoping that Jack does not go the way of Humpty Dumpty. And we all know that Jack's head bears a startling resemblance to a large egg. Would you all join me posting an encouraging note or video onto Jack's recovery website at http://www.hangintherejack.com/. Here's an old pic of that big-headed mofo:

Top 60 PC Games of All Time!

I have compiled a list of my favorite PC games of all time. These are the best of the best. Let me know if I missed any. This isn't even including console! Enjoy!

1. Civilization IV: Beyond the Sword (And All Predecessors) – I’m still addicted.

2. The Curse of Monkey Island – The funniest game ever made. Hands down.

3. Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis – It doesn’t get much better than Indy.

4. MechWarrior 2 (And All Expansions) – The beginning cut-scene is legendary.

5. Exile 3: Ruined World – Got me addicted to RPGs.

6. Sid Meier’s Colonization (The Original Mostly) – Best sound track for a PC game. The songs were MIDIs.

7. Sim City 2000 – “Sim Copter One reporting heavy traffic.”

8. The Dig – I had nightmares about this one, but I love it.

9. Sid Meier’s Pirates! (New and Old) – This is why I am a pirate, not a ninja.

10. Command and Conquer – “Time to rock and roll.” - Commando

11. Quake 1 – Played this one multiplayer over my 28.8k modem.

12. The Secret of Monkey Island – “How appropriate, you fight like a cow.” – Guybrush Threepwood

13. Fallout 2 – Before there was a Fallout 3

14. Sam & Max Hit the Road – Hilarious.

15. Full Throttle – The biker fights were awesome.

16. The Sims (1 & 2) – The only game my sister would play.

17. Sid Meier’s Railroad Tycoon (1 & 2) – The first tycoon game.

18. Maniac Mansion: Day of the Tentacle – I’m scratching my head about this one.

19. Myst – This game also gave me nightmares. It was too empty.

20. Monkey Island II: Lechuck’s Revenge – Love the spitting contest.

21. NBA Live 97 – All the faces were the same.

22. Sid Meier’s Alpha Centauri

23. Escape from Monkey Island

24. Hugo’s House of Horrors (1, 2, & 3) – Gotta love the music made from CPU beeps.

25. Grim Fandango

26. Fallout 1

27. Sim Tower

28. Rayman – Such a peaceful game.

29. Rollercoaster Tycoon 1 (And All Expansions) – Launch people off an unsafe rollercoaster!

30. Warcraft 2

31. Wolfenstein 3D -

32. Need for Speed 1

33. Oregon Trail (1, 2, & 3) – “My butt died of cholera?!”

34. Indiana Jones and His Desktop Adventures – This one kept me occupied for hours.

35. Dark Forces – “There he is, stop him!”

36. Silkroad Online

37. NHL 2002

38. Unreal Tournament

39. Myst 2: Riven

40. Grand Theft Auto 1 – Love the police chases.

41. Yoda Stories

42. Half-Life (Counter-Strike)

43. Command and Conquer II: Red Alert

44. Grand Theft Auto 2

45. Max Payne 1 – Ahh, the joys of slo-mo.

46. Duke Nukem 3D – Classic.

47. The Yukon Trail

48. Age of Empires

49. Lode Runner

50. Miner VGA – I lied. My sister played this one too.

51. Sim Ant

52. The Movies (Courtesy of Alex)

53. Chex Quest (1 & 2) – These games came in boxes of Chex cereal. The best cereal prize ever.

54. Doom (1 & 2)

55. Solar Winds (1 & 2)

56. Lords of the Realm 2

57. Cyber Empires

58. Baulder’s Gate

59. The Amazon Trail

60. Sonic CD – Sonic for PC!

I've Taken Up Painting

So here's the deal,

I have some extra time in the evenings and on the weekends. Playing music gets old, reading isn't engaging enough, and watching TV is just a waste of time. It was time for a new hobby. Painting! I'll be the first to admit that I don't know a thing about painting other than what I learned in Survey of Art and Music class. So I went abstract. Really, it's borderline kindergarten material. But I like it. I'm mostly using supplies that I bought at Lowe's. The canvases and the easels I bought at Michael's. Here are my initial attempts at painting (I call them "Stalactites", "Grazing Cattle" and "Citrus Fruit in a Blue Bowl" in order: